i WisH i WaS taLLeR

So I was telling some friends the other day that I'm thinking of adopting an 18 year old. That way I will have skipped all the stuff babies, kids and teenagers bring to the table. Dirt. Crying. Braces. Attitude. Stealing your car. Drums. A toilet-papered house. 5am hockey practice. Detention. The birds and the bees. Stranger danger. Frog dissection. Temper tantrums. Mud pies. I'm sure I don't even know the half of it.

Therefore, if I adopted an 18 year old, we could bond while they go to college and I would be part of their lives from there on out. We would talk, laugh, drink, go out to eat, share our crazy stories of when we were younger, etc., etc. We would be family who are friends. But this would guarantee me being taken care of once I lose my mind or am lonely during the holidays.

FoOd PoRN

I love food. It's not a secret. You know how they say guys think about sex every 7 seconds? Well I think I think about food every 7 seconds. Sorry to continue to quote things my friends say but in the last 24 hours, I have gotten these two quotes which totally cracked me up.

"Stop sending me food porn at work!"

"Never mention food to Holtz. You'll always get a yes. You could ask her if she was up for dining off the carcass of a roadkill and she'd be in as long as beer was being served with it."