i WisH i WaS taLLeR

So I was telling some friends the other day that I'm thinking of adopting an 18 year old. That way I will have skipped all the stuff babies, kids and teenagers bring to the table. Dirt. Crying. Braces. Attitude. Stealing your car. Drums. A toilet-papered house. 5am hockey practice. Detention. The birds and the bees. Stranger danger. Frog dissection. Temper tantrums. Mud pies. I'm sure I don't even know the half of it.

Therefore, if I adopted an 18 year old, we could bond while they go to college and I would be part of their lives from there on out. We would talk, laugh, drink, go out to eat, share our crazy stories of when we were younger, etc., etc. We would be family who are friends. But this would guarantee me being taken care of once I lose my mind or am lonely during the holidays.

FoOd PoRN

I love food. It's not a secret. You know how they say guys think about sex every 7 seconds? Well I think I think about food every 7 seconds. Sorry to continue to quote things my friends say but in the last 24 hours, I have gotten these two quotes which totally cracked me up.

"Stop sending me food porn at work!"

"Never mention food to Holtz. You'll always get a yes. You could ask her if she was up for dining off the carcass of a roadkill and she'd be in as long as beer was being served with it."

mY FriENds cRacK mE UP

Barson: "There is this guy I work with who always has to make an entrance when he walks into a room. He has really loud shoes."
Me: "Oh. Like boots with heels?"
Barson: "Yeah, but not like spurs."
Me (thinking to myself): WTF. Thanks for clearing THAT up. Were spurs ever an option???


Me: "You bought her a shot?"
Merete: "Yep. "
Me: "Why?"
Merete: "It's entertainment for me. It's like buying a movie ticket."

i'M sTaRviNg

pERsoNaLs: sTRicTLy pLaToNic

A dining experience for 4. 2 girls. 1 guy. Looking for another guy. mw4m. Warehouse District.

• 25-35
• Single "normal"
• Likes bar hopping/dive bars
• Likes laughing
• Likes beer
• Willing to split plates and checks
• Must drink with us
• Likes chips
• Must have a job with benefits
• Valid passport
• No felonies
• Lives in the warehouse district
• We're at least 8s. 8.5s after 3 beers.
• At least 6 feet tall

This is a Craigs List ad me and two friends posted. We thought it would be an adventure. Hey, what can we say?! Sometimes the 4th chair looks lonely! We interviewed our first (and only) responder last Friday. Total nerd. And not the awesome kind (although it was funny when he kept bringing up his work Christmas party - he works for and by himself). He wasn't for us. But we lived to tell about it.

aSsHoLE

As I bellied up to the bar last night, this guy is following a group of guys (presumably they all knew each other) and yells "Hey, Assholes!" About 20 of us surrounding people turned around. The guy then starts laughing hysterically and points out that we all respond to the name 'asshole.' It was kind of funny. Guess you had to be there.